Scared is what you’re feeling. Brave is what you’re doing. -Emma Donoghue There’s a split second in every major decision of my life where I have a dream or vision of what life could look like if I stood still. It’s an icy, snowy fog and I can barely make out shapes or colors. It’s a stillness and it’s a feeling....If I just held out...If I closed my eyes from the truth....covered my mouth to hush truth.... In that fleeting moment, the feeling comes over me like a tidal wave that if I should stay, I will no longer be me. A version of myself so incredibly inauthentic. And what kind of existence would that be? Life is not a performance with landed lines or carefully rehearsed plots. It’s not comedic timing or memorized movements through other’s emotions. It’s not sliding and skirting around as you choreograph your way to the top. That’s some people’s versions of life. But not mine. That’s manipulation.... happiness and love are stifled in those circumstances. And control gives such an illusion to power. Years of decisions have brought me to a place of self-awareness and it has not been without failure and heartache or unraveling wrongs. There will never be perfection but there are actions and intentions. And so much learning and evolving and sharing. I wouldn’t change a thing. Shaking off what isn’t meant for me is a practice in transformation. Because remaining the same, without growth isn’t why we’re on the planet. I feel like I have lived so many lives because of the experiences that I have had, the lightness of laughter to the heaviness from tragedies. Each event is marked with some outer wear and tear but at least my soul is still intact. And maybe it’s not in vain. Maybe there’s a moment from these experiences where someone else finds inspiration or it becomes a catalyst. If she can do it....If she can’t make it....If she can dream that big....she can stand in that truth...maybe I can, too. Scared is what you’re feeling. Brave is what you’re doing. Be scared. Be brave. Trust your intuition & know you chose what’s real over pretending or living amongst untold truths.
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